itz 7th period...and a friday..and i'm not going home right after skool but oh well i guess i'll take kare of some hmwrk or something...i jus found out that for nhs u have to sell kandy..damn no one tells me nething...so i guess i'll go to Mrs. Eddy's room after this klass....yeah lets see here today...during pre kal we learned somemore about interest and all that stuf...i need to learn that stuff so when i get a kar or something i won't let those damn sharkz take away my hard earned money..yeah and plus therez a test nex friday hahaha..yeah hmm then it was break jus stood around as usuall...i'm thinking of doing constructive stuff during break from now on...u know whatz whack is that the LRC is phreakin' klosed during break..there goes the batkave..yeah then it was physics klass..the stuff doesn't seem all that hard..itz jus like projectile motion all over again...hmm then kame lunch...D-money, A-train, and E nuff have beeen ballin' it up lately durin lunch so no ones really been in the LRC..yeah so i was jus walkin around aimlessly but then i remembered there was a pcn meeting..so i decided to check it out...hmm abuncha people were in there...but the numbers will lesson as time goes on...hmm edward was talking most of the time...he sounds organized and stuff..this year will proally b different mayb..slightly..well sides the fact that ed's in charge but like he seems like he's gonna b more strict and stuff about things..like he was all saying that he gon' make ereybody sign some kontract thing and blah blah...i guess thatz kool and all yeah...i jus feel like doing the modern..i'll do it if they make it ghetto and hella dope..then i'm in for shure..but other than that i jus wanna perform during intermission thatz my pcn goal for this year..sides getting into the show for free again...hopefully i'll make this my 3rd year straight gettin' in for free hahaha...yeah...hmm i jus need to make my demo tape during Christmas break..yeah then i'lll b set..i've been thinkin of the set list...i wanna make it secret haha..like i'm only gonna give a kopy to ed for him to approve or whateverz and mayb to mrs. Knego i dunno...well of kourse my bro's will get to hear it D-money and A-train and proally my OBS peoples and my kuzzinz hahah yeah ok thatz enough..and mayb one more special person jus to make things interesting...yeah ..hmmm itz proally jus gonna b abuncha kovers and like my versions of certain songs..meaning different lyrics..yeah and ima aktually xperiment w/ all 4 tracks on the 4track..yeah and add countermelodies and all that phun stuff..and mayb i'll write a rhyme hahaha yeah kuz i got an idea for this one Sublime song and how ima jus like loop it but yeah ure jus gonnahave to wait and listen..yeah hahaha...hmm Christmas vaca is koming soon yess finally some sleep...and a chance for me to klean like krazy..write songs..poems..lyrics..xermacise..dancercize haha...yeah and chill w/ whoeevers...yeah and itz gonna b like two weeks of free time so yeah mayb i'll start giving guitar lessons again...yeah the people who i already offered still want 'em then yeah jus tell me..hmm dang oh yeah last period was social justice..took a skantron test..ez as usuall..then we watched skared striahgt...that was hella phunny..everyone should watch that so they won't make stupid mistakes in life and end up in prison and b someones 'kid' yeah hmm...i forgot what i was gonna say..yeah i've jus been reading and looking for blogz to read...thatz all i do now when i'm bored..hmm...i haven't bloggeed about my ideas or opinions on stuff for a while...(looked at my watch) well i think i have time so mayb i will.....ok what should i talk about today...ok i'll talk about life..and umm..ohhh hmmi know taking risks and growing and learning as a person...well lets see as the end of highskool approaches i kan't help but to think about all the stuff i've gone through and the stuff that the people around me have gone through..happiness..sadness..joy..death...etc. etc. pain..suffering..heartache..etc. etc...and i think i've kome to a realization...well itz kinda obvious..well that lifes a whole phreakin' learning process...yeah like when i was a kid backindaday at good 'ol dwntwn LBC when iw as goin' to St. Anthony...yeah i remember that...everything was different...if i told people about how iw as no one would believe me..so believe this...i remember being like in the 5th grade and my routine in the morning was to get to skool and to study and read my goosebumps books in the morning on the benches..i remember people would look at me and make phun of me kuz i was alwayz studying or reading u know...they would say i was a bookworm and all that stuff...yeah i remember that...like at the time i would hang w/ my best friend at the time Aaron Absulio....i still see him from time to time...good man he is yes...yeah he was into goosebumps boookx too..and also those one bookx..w/ the blue kovers haha i forgot the phreakin' name...u know those bookx that they sold at price club in like 3 packs..not the goosebumps ones..and not the nancy drew ones..but the mystery story ones yeah those ones..those were his bookx and the goosebumps were mine...yeah we'd jus read and stuff..we'ed either read..do hmwrk..study..or play bball..yeah bball was phun backinda day..even tho everyone was alwayz better than me..and they still r...and everyone was bigger and faster and everything than me...yeah oh well..like thye were allwayz ahead of me like..when they were wokrin' on their freethrows in the 4th grade i was barely trying to get my layup down..and in the 6th grade when Dominic and Jermaine were workin' on their 3 pointers i was getting my freethrow down..and when iw as in 7th grade i was workin' on my 3 pointers..and u get the point iw as alwayz a step behind..iwas really slow back then too..like they were always ahead of me at everything..they knew all those sick nasty jokes and i would alwayz b like "huh?!" i don't get it..and i'd always ask them what it meant and they'dmake phun of me even more kuz i was klueless like that....yeah like i remember we were in the 5th grade and i forgot his name but this one guy was like "hey noel pretend ure rolling dice and like look up at the sky and goo 'ohhhh yeah'" and i was like "huh i dont' get it?!" haha i remember that..phreakin' i was always slow...yeah then time went on and well if u don't know how iw as well i would always try to fit in..i dunno yeah w/ everything i was always trying to mingle in..and in my mind i wouuld always tell myself "one day i'm going to b better than them..one day i'll b kooler than them..one day people will hate them as much as they make phun of me now!!" haha yeah that was my thinking back then..i never thought of highskool or life thereafter..i was jus koncerned w/ the now..and gettin' revenge...like all of that kool stuff back then i would sneer at and dislike but at the same time i would try to b like them..strange huh..i was a walking contradiciton...yeah what else would i do..i remember i would barely talk to people kuz i knew if i opened up my mouth i'd proally say something realllllly stupid and they'd make phun of me and make me kry so i was the quiet kid..thes hy kid..and whenever they felt like it they'd kome up w/ something, make phun of me, then they'd make me kry..yeah that was me...the phreaki'n krybaby...it wasn't jus the guyz at skool who made me kry..i remember akouple of the girls did too..but the gurlz did it when we were really small..as time went on they bkame kool and stuff...yeah even my phreakin' kuzzinz made phun of me and made me kry..wtf is that...yeah...i was always the kid stuck inside the house...i never went out...and if i did well it was like family stuff...family parties left and right..and i was the odd ball....oh wellhmmm fast forward a kouple yearz...i think it was 7th grade yeah...i joined the bball team that was phun...thatz when we had phreakin' 5 strings hahahaha guess what string iw as on....5th haaha..oh well it was phun...yeah hmm what else happend oh i forgot about 6th grade...oh wait lets go to 5th grade...ok id unno what happend but i remember the usuall peopel who made phun of me...not in ne particular order..hmm chris,sean,jermaine,edric,dominic..and everyone else haha yeah well i dunno i jus remember koming back from somewhere and they messed w/ all of my stuff and i got all pissed off and krap and they were all like "what r u gonna do Noel r u gonna kry?! hahahahahaha" and yeah guess what..i did! haha yeah and well my teacher got involved and he got made at 'em and told 'em to say sorry but of kourse sorries don't kount...yeah it was almost the end of the skool day and i was all blah and mowpy kuz they mademe kry so i was all takin' my time fixin my bag and it was only my teacher left and me and i remember my teacher telling me like "u know Noel..don't mind what they say or do to u right now..kuz ure better than them..and u always will b...ure gonna grow up and b happy and successfull and u'll b kool and gurlz will b kool w/ u so don't mind the jerks..jus remember they're jus a bunch of jerks" haha i remember that..that was one thing that stuck out from 5th grade..then it was 6th grade...i remember that year..i think thatz when Dominic sorta started being nice to me..not alot..but jus a lil...enough for me to notice...yeah and thatz the year we had a new student..his name was Aaron..not Aaron Absulio..but Aaron Apacible..yeah Aaron Absulio moved the summer b4 to Downey and i didn't really talk to him kuz he moved away and i didn't really talk to him...but yeah Aaron Apacible kame...i remember that day too..it sticks outa my mind...ok as usuall we were all playing bball in the morning and for some reason me and Dominic were kussin each other out in tagalog..i dunno y?!?! haha i jus remember that was what we were doing..and we were laughing at the same time..and then brandon green..who was in the 7th grade at the time..this black guy he was kool kuz he was nice to me..yeah he kame over and was like "y'all 6th graders right..well ya'll got a new kid in ure klass his names ' Aaron" and he left and we were like "what the new guy?!" well we didnt' say that but that was like our reaction..yeah i remember that day too kuz like i started talking to him from that day..and i bkame kool w/ him kuz he was all into dragonball like me and yeah i dunno he was nice to me...he didn't know my past and when he learned about it he didn't kare...yeah he's kool haha he's still a homie he's one of my Bros haha..yeah so he's like the first friend who i ever made from the spot i met and stayed friends till like now haha..yeah he kame over like 3 dayz ago..his hair all up in the koolio styley haha..that guyz phunny..i remember when we were all into shoes hahaha....like eastbay katalogs and footaction and all that stuff..yeah then i faded outa that but he's still into that..hmm then itz 7th grade..we had a nother new guy his name is danny nguyen..yeah and if ure wondering i still talk to him from time to time but therez history there..well he looked like the preppy guy when he kame w/ his hair all parted from the middle and yeah...and we already had our own hierarchy and everything so he had to fit in but that didn't take much time...he was jus quiet that first day but things changed as time went on..he bkame the guy who phreakin' made phun of my ass from like 7th and 8th grade..he like took over my number one hatered spot away from like dominic and them haha..yeah and u know whatz phunny i get words like "phreakin' A" and "damnit" and stuff like that from him...kuz backinda day we used to kuzz like krazy..we had phreakni' potty mouths..it was bad..and he was all gay and he'd go like "thatz not right ure not supposed to say those bad words i jus use these words instead" and we were all like "wtf is this guy from" and yeah well i dunno but he jus made phun of me yeah...but like it was weird kuz fastrack like 3 years..sophmore year of highskool i think and he tells me that when he went to St. Anthony on the first week of skool he wanted to bkome like me kuz he thought iw as the kool guy kuz like everyone was kool w/ me and everyone new me and the teachers were all kool w/ me and i got good grades..but he didn't know my past..but well lets jus say after dominic and them told him well that all changed..yeah so he was the thorn at my side from 7th to 8th grade... yeah i jus remember the last day of 7th grade tahtz when i phreakin' told him off...i remember it was like break and it was a sorta rainy day but we were aloud to go outside if we wanted so i dunno we were otuside it was danny, dominic, and me and i guess i was talking to dominic..i dunno what about..i dont' remember..and danny komes up and he's all makin' phun of my ass but i drilled him good..hah ai remember that kuz dominic was all like "dayummn he's puttin ure ass down" haha yeah take that....yeah i dunno i guess thatz what happends after a whole phreakin' skool year and the same guy is makin' phun of ure ass..and well 8th grade year was kinda weird..kuz like it was 8th grade so we were i guess kinda kool w/ each other but we still all made phun of each other but they didn't make phun of me as much...jus danny..he'd go like "noel's never gonna get a girlfriend..he's still never been kissed...the most klosest he got to a girl is like hugging a gurl and thatz as far as he'll ever get" yeah i never forgot that but then Jermaine (this phunny dope black guy who's filipino) would go like "nahhh i see potential in him..we've taught him the ropes..he'll get lucky some night w/ a nice lookin' drunk girl and he'll get laid but on the other hand u won't" haha then every one was all laughing at HIM hahah..yeah hmmm well thatz also the same year that the kurse started.....well itz not like someone jus flat out kursed me itz not like that..itz more of an insight kind of thing...well so u see this relates to the build up of my plan that i had since i was a kid which was to b better and kooler than the people who made phun of me but well at that point of life nething positive jus was flat out proposterous...it was like "ure krazy that'll never happen" so yeah...well i don't remember the xact specifics but heres the gist of the whole thing...well ok around the time of the 8th grade year..i forgot when xactly but a group of gurlz consisting of some 8th graders and some 7th graders..not all of 'em jus a group of 'em decided to like list all of the guyz in the klasses of 8th and 7th grade based on who they think would make a good boyfriend..yeah...ure proally thinking "What the hell?!" yeah thatz what i was thinking too when they told me..well take aguess who was number one....i'll give u a hint it wasn't me...yeah who else kould it b but mr. Dominic himself..yeah well back to the story..well so i guess they kame up w/ the list and they decided that they'd tell one guy from the 8th grade klass and one guy from the 7th grade klass..guess who they picked from the 8th grade klass.....me....yeah i know ure proally shocked kuz i was shocked too i was all denying everything and stuff..i waslike "y do u pick me?!?! y don't u tell someone else" and they'd go "kuz they're stupid and they'd proally go around telling everyone but u won't tell neone if we tell u kuz ure different like that" and so they told me about the list and they told me to guess who was who and stuff and i was like "i bet Dominic's number one huh?" and they're like "good guess" and they were like "u wanna guess what number u are?" and i'm like "i dunno the last number on the whole list" an they laughed and said "no silly ure way off" and i started to think about how stupid this whole thing was and if u know me i usually give up and say "i dunno jus tell me already" so they were like "well u weren't first..and u weren't third...soo that would make u............second" and i straight out said "Y?!?! how the hell kan i b sekond?!?!" yeah and then they started saying stuff and i was like whateverz..but they were saying that i'm a nice guy and i'm kute and i'm sweet and all this stupid stuff that i thought was reallllllllllllllly reeeeeeeeeaaaaalllllllly stupid at the time kuz it was and proally still is and they told me like "yeah gurlz kan talk to u about nething and all the gurlz will want to b ure friend" yeah notice that.... all the gurlz will want to b ure friend..yeah i started to think about that recently and itz true.....they all r friends.....and they never usually look at me more than that...damn....u know that suckx....i guess itz good..kuz u know they kan trust u and they think ure trustworthy and u listen and u help them out w/ their problems and all that stuff...but still...the whole friend only factor thing bugs...i might as well wear a sign or a t-shirt saying "don't worry about me i'm not going to play ure heart kuz i'm everyones best guy friend and i'm everyones best guy friend" blah...dang i dunno.....i guess i stopped komplainging after a while...then it resurfaced again....sigh......what a life...a life of friendship and nothing more....some say thatz great and stuff like that kuz u know friendship is a good thing and i'm not saying itz a bad thing but still therez more than that...u know......whenever u see in the movies or on tv and u know those two people feel the same about each other and the whole time ure watching ure like "y don't u jus tell eachother and getogether and b happy" yeah thatz how it is..and the way things look thatz how they'll always be...i mean even if ure all against that kuz i know i was and somewhat still am but still tho think of the happiness and all that luvy duvy stufff (someone slap me upside the head kuz i'm not thinking w/ my brain right now..) yeah itz like u want that feeling u know...i mean i've never had no girlfriend b4 and i'm doing jus dandy w/out one but jus bkuz i'm happy about that and i'm kool w/ it doesn't mean that i don't think about it...i know that in stupid relationships people fight and they argue but who doesn't ...two people who have the xact same likes and dislikes and everything don't necessarily have to agree on everything...therez no such thing as a perfect relationship..everythings a work in progress..thatz what ure life is.....but some people i dunno i guess they're komfortable in their shell..i know i am but i feel like going out u know and xperimenting and trying out things..kuz u know u only live life once and u kan't jus live under a rock the whole time..even tho i have...u kan't learn if u don't try....and sometimes when u try u get hurt.....but i guess it komes w/ the territoy kuz if u never get hurt u'll never grow as a person and learn from ure past....and u kan't jus ignore ure past and pretend it never happend..kuz thatz jus flat out denial and thatz not good either...u have to embrace whatz ahead of u but b a tad bit kautious u know...u jus don't jump out of a plane and not think of when ure gonna pull ure parachute or where ure planning on landing..and when u jump out of the plane ure soo free and happy as if ure flying but u still have to think about what ure doing while ure flying and if u jus pretend that ure fflying on forever ure gonna hit the ground hard..so u have to b kautious..but still u have to take risks..itz like that one quote i think Willy or D gave me...i have it some where......ah yes...i found it...it sayz "Always do what you're afraid to do" - Emerson yeah u need to do things ure afraid of...if we never did that then none of us would of learned how to ride a bike..or learned how to swim(i still need to learn how to do that)..or learn how to drive...itz a part of life u need to take chances...but don't take blind chances.....hmm if i never took a chance of like i dunno bkoming Dominic's friend u know something like that..i proally wouldn't b where i'm at right now..or if i never took that chance of changing myself trying new things u knwo trying to learn how to b accepted but still having ure own identity apart from everyone else..or taking a chance of going to a different highskool that no one really wanted to go to..all of those things...if i never took those chances i wouldnt' b who or where i'm at right now...i'm takin' a chance right now....and i hope the other person will too...but thatz another topic..one i need to sort out on my own and well w/ her more importantly....well i hope those poems helped u to understand how i feel and what i'm going through...kuz i want u to try to understand...kuz i've been trying so hard to understand y ure like this and y u say the things u do and y u akt the way u do and it feels as if ure not trying or ure not interested....i know u've told me already how u feel..but i'm stubborn remember..i don't take no for an ansswer the first time...i'm a persistant liil hopefull who believes in the best in people and that good things kome to people w/ good intentions...if only u kould read this..kuz it xplains a lot of y i am..but i dunno i dont' want to bore u or bother u w/ my past.....sigh.......mayb someday u'll stumble upon this but i doubt it...well if u do..for some strange reason...try to understand y i'm like this and y i feel this way kuz 'i'm still here and i'm not going newhere'.....have a good weekend everyone...Christmas is komin' up...tell the people u kare about that u kare about them..thatz the only thing people should b giving this season...is their love for other people..not stupid gifts....tell them u kare...and spend some quality time w/ them...remember the simplest things in life r the most memorable...charished..and worthwhile then ne xtravigant gift or kostly gift u kould ever give....happy holidayz....happy dayz...

posted by Leon at 11:12 PM