yeah..i wanted to blog last night but stupid website wouldn't let me...yeah basically yeah...i understand now...i know i said "i understand" like a while back but now i really do...honestly i do....i see y u did what u did..and i'm trying to understand more y..but itz jus gonna take time for me to fully understand y u jus didn't feel the way u "should of"...yeah i never meant to push u away...i jus wanted to show u how much i kare and how deep my feelings r but i guess that all of my aktions jus kept on pushing u and pushing u away to apoint where u kouldn't take it ne more and u jus had enough of it...i mean i'm sorry i really am..i never wanted this tohappend..i never wanted to push u away..i never wanted to bring harm or confusion or frustration upon u...i was jus blinded by my own emotions..but i had to try..u know i did...and u know i'm stubborn and i guess things dont' really get through this thick skulll unless itz hammered it in...and yeah u kould say it finally hammered itz way in....sigh..yeah...dang...i was really skared that i kould of lost u there..and that i was loosing u but id idn't know it well i didn't realize it..and when u said that there might not b ne of u left that really hit me...i mean i don't want u to go away...i really don't...i know this more than friends think isn't what u want and i realize that but i dont' want u to go away even if we kan't b more than friends i stilll want u to b my friend kuz afterall ure still a really dope person and i still kare about u and the thought of lossing u all together really hurt inside...i don't want u to go away...i kan't jus watch u leave....i wouldn't b able to bare it....i would go even more krazy....yeah i mean when u said that damn it really hurt...i mean like jus out of no where this surge of pain jus kame and it was getting worse the more i thought of it the more u said words that hinted at the komplete end of our friendship..dang it hurt..and yeah thatz y i guess thatz when i realized it...when i realized what i was gonna loose if ikept on pursing something well that jus isn't there on the opposite side of the bridge...i never thought my eyes would get all watery and stuff when u said that i was losing u and that i lost almost all of u...yeah i was like :'( i really was and yeah...i pray i don't do something to lose u i hope that something this painfull won't kome again i want u to know i'm sorry for pushing u away...and i hope u don't hate me for ne of this....i know things will never be the same...i know that...and i'm going to have to live with that....but i'd rather live w/ the fact then knowing that things will never be the same than to live a life without having u in it at all....
posted by Leon at 8:29 PM