hmmmm....i saw OC today on tv....it was purdy good..it might b my new favorite show..who knows...a troubled kid...ends up in newport..hott neighbor chick..a friend who's a total nerd....the first episode..he steals a kar..goes to prison...gets rescued..meets the hott neighborchick...party hardy..drinking...drama...skanalous krap happening...the gurl that the nerd likes is drunk and tries to goo for the bad boy or whatevez...they kinda fight and shit no physical but nerds bummed out and then...nerd is drunk..gets picked on...bad boy sees...stands u pforhim...therez a fight...bad boy and nerd get socked up...thhen go home...kan't sleep..nerd nocks out...hottneighborchick gets dropped off by her whack ass friends left there to lie on the front step of her house...bad boy sees..kan't jus leave her there..brings her to his pool house thing...puts her in a bed to sleep..wakes up..blah blah..nothing happends she leaves...he has to leave..blah blah..skrewy life...blah blah but theres a sense of hope and change....hmm i wonder y i started this blog w/ /that show..i dunno...hmmm i guess i dunno...i don't know nething...i want to know everything but i kan't accept the everything that results from my search of the answers of knowing nothing... i guess if u didn't get it..u don't get it..and if u get it then..high five...or how me and pD would say 'high low five' or 'low high five' yeah sigh.....hmmm lifes one strange mother f er u know.....blah blah blah...sometimes i dunno..and sometimes i think i know..but in reality i don't know...but people say that i do know but i wish i really did know what i was supposed to know kuz i'm getting tired of thinking of how to figure out what i don't know and y i don't nkow what i know and how i'm going to figure out what i don't know and komploaining i don'tk now nething....aint that a toungue twister pD...sound slike something Sushi would say ....sigh....yeah i dunno what else to say....i don't really feel like goin through every single detail.if u wanna know what happend 'esterday then read pD's xanga.....yeah i don't really feel like going through it all..she kovers her main points and such...itz not all that detailed..not xactly enough detail tha ti would put into a dayz deskription...but itz purdy good....=)...then this is when pD says to me "shut up" hahahahahahahah.....too kool, too kool....yeah i guess if u wanna know my sideo fthe story ure gonna have to ask...kukz i don't think ne one really wants to hear it..kuz well people aktkually do but then they don't kuz they won't understand...i guess thatz a major thing in my head these past few weeks...sigh..understanding...i guess itz the only way i 'll find out the i don't knows in my life...hmmm 311's new album Evolver....i like the title...'Evolver"..i kan really relate to it i guess...mayb it timie for me to 'evolve' i suppose..mayb thatz y the things that happend to me the last week or i dunno shti fuck i don't remember haha...yeah *sidenote..whenever u see or hear me kurse...then well umm i guess i'm purdy darn pissed off kuz if u know me...i try really hard not to use those words..kuz therz so many other to better deskribe the situation but when ure pissed..well uknow*...yeah what better poiont in my life then the turning of 18 for a whole lota krap to happen...i mean itz a big number they say..itz when ure LEGAL dun dun dunnnnn...u know itz i guess when u gotta start thinkinga bout ure future..and whatthe hell ure gonna do w/ ure sorry piece of xistence u know...itz like 'ISH man what the hell am i gonna do w/ my life!?!?!" u know itz like "WHOA if i don't figure ish out now what the hell then?!?!" or like "damn i don't even phreakin' knkow nething" and etc. etc......i guess hmmm the only people who'd understand what the hell i'm talking about is the people who get me...hmm Michelle Branch - u get me..thatz one kool song...thankx to pD...i aktually listened to it again hehehe....and yeah i get u hehehehehe...but yeah...i guess thatz a main issue for me...understanding....i guess how else kan u really help a person if u don't understand themm u know....i mean of kourse u kan give general advice and such and such and so forth but it aint gonna kut it uknow...it'll make uthink...yes thatz right..but it won't makek uthink enough or about the right htings...and recently i've kome to realize that therez no bad thing in thinking too much...itz jus that people think that they're thinking to much but in reality they're jus thinking of the amomunt they really need to b thinking uknow.....yeah i know pD gets me....yeah everyone should have a best friend like her...someone u kan hella b up front w/ u know...say what ure thinking..say how ure feeling...u know..someone who'll aktually understand..u know..kuz u know when u have all of these thoughts and ure trying to get them out into words but the words rn't forming but she always for some strange reason gets me i dunno...i'm so lucky byt yeah back to my thing about understanding..i gues it komes hand in hand w/ trust and honesty i supose..i kame up w/ a justikation for the three today wheni was thinking....yeah kuz like i mean yeah Sushi is right when what the world needs rightnow is TRUST not necessarily LOVE i mean....b4 u kan really fully LOVE a person and give ure whole self to that person u know..i mean isn' that what LOVE issuposed to b if i'm not mistaken....b4 u kan do that..b4 ure komfortable to jus do that u have to TRUST that person...and trust isn't an ezily given thing...especially in my book...yeh iknow i kno wi know u proally think i'm krazy and how kan Noel not trust everyone...well y should i?....i have my vaild reasons..i mean when u grow up and it seems as if no ones ure friend and then later on in life people start being all kool w/ u and stuff u kinda have sekond thoughts u know...i dunno how to xplain it...pD xplained it to me last night....well early this morning...thankx!....yeah but sides TRUST u need HONESTY kuz u kan't really TRUST someone u KAN'T b HONEST w/ u know?....u get it?...got it?....good?...mayb...mayb not....or not...or not not...yeah....but yeah..and well b4 u kan TRUST and person AND b fully HONEST w/ a person u have to KNOW the person and i guess thatz where the faktor of UNDERSTANDING komes into play..i mean i dunno about u but i really kan't TRUST someoen i don't really get..well that may sound bad..but itz the trust i suppose..i mean how kan u know what this person is really saying is truthfull or their aktions are truthfull if u don't know the hihstory of a person i suppose...an du don't understand the Y's and the how's of the befores......yeah....so i guess u need TRUST....HONESTY....AND.....UNDERSTANDING...i gues then and only then kan that whole love STUFF kome into play but i'm not tqalking about Love..'aint talkin' bout love...aint' talking about love' - Van Halen..kick ass song in deed...yeah...what else was i talking to Sushi about 'esterday..oh yeah...about u know karing and stuff..and how people don't shwo it and they SAY they do but they DON'T do nething u know....to me i dunno thatz hard to believe..kuz if u really mean something then u gotta show something to prove it...kuz i was saying to Sushi..if someone really kares then they must understand and they must know that they don't have to wait for aperson to ask for help and so on and so forth..u jus help them...kuz u know they need it..and ug et them u know...but since not everyone understands everyone then how kan everyone help people...i dunno we had a whole konvo going..i mean itz stilli nm y head..itz been digetsteed and processed but i kan't really regerjitate everything rightnow...yeah...strange huh?....well lifes strange bud....it really is.....and well Sushi...there is a meaning to everything..and i know that those were rocks..and there was the ocean...and i'm me and ure u...but there are reasons for EVERYTHING..i.g euss thatz something i've realized in LIFE...taht there are reasons..and ig uess if ur eally realy really understand the reasons of the b4..and the now..then hopefully it'll hel pu understandthe reasons for the future..the future a skarry thought...sometimes i jus wanna go far away u know..not look back ...leave everyone behind..i dunno..but i know i kan't..even when i really feel like jus taking a phreakin' one year long break from everyone u know..rekollect my thougts..u know...reenergize my ring u know....but id unno...i know itz not gonna happen....kuz it kan't..i mean i went through a whole week of emotional hell and i still had to help those around me..even wehen i really didn't feel like it..but i stilldid..i dunno..mayb kuz i don't give up that easily...u HEAR THAT WORLD!!..I DON'T GIVE UP EZILY!!..U SO BETTER THINK OF SOME BETTER KRAP TO THROW AT ME KUZ I'M NOT GIVIN' UP!!!............HA!!.....yeah....blah...to u who don't believe..i didn't give up then..i'm not givin' up now...and i aint gonna give up...shooot...i've komem too far to jus give up...and that would b hella weak sauce if u jus gave up like that...everyone would proally kick my ass if i gave up..i'd proally kick my own ass if i kould...yeah....sigh....i guess most of u ..wlel not most....proally the few of u who aktually read it proally don't understand what thehell i'mtalking about..i mean thatz ok..i don't xpect u to....well aktually hahaha..ok i'm not gonna say it..pD said that sometimes i jus gottakeep some tsuff to my self hahaha....itz phunny tho...kuz she kan read my thoughts so even if i did keep it to myself she'd proally figure it out neway....yeah......i dunno i have alot more on my mind..but for those of my friends who really wanna kare..and they really wanna do sommething..juz read this blog...and thankx..i know itz kidna long...and it'll proally hurt ure head if u think about it ..but thankx for reading..it means a lot.....and i always say...if u really kare about a person then show it....by reading this shows it...and proves it....and thankx again... i dunno.....i'm jus glad i'm me...and not like neone else..aint that right pD....hehehe....yeah a brick wall ..w/ a giant vent...w/ angel wings...and a guitar...yup...thatz me =)


more than hi jade =)
posted by Leon at 11:04 PM