yeah i'm back....kan't sleep....and plus i took a nap earlier so yeah...ok i'm listening to Joey Cape - Violins...yeah..i figured most of it out...jus a kouple more minor chords progressions here and there to link the verse to the chorus to bridge and stuff and i jus need to memorize the lyrics...yeah..mayb i'll sing it nex week...mayb not to everyone..but jus to sing it while everyonez chillin' u know...so yeah....hmm what to talk about...so yeah...i'm ok i guess now...things r kleared up for the 3rd time...haha..yeah....i think i finally get it now...yeah itz been drilled into my skull permenently..so yeah i get the point...now...itz time to write songs about it hahaha..yeah..thatz al i do now is write songs and play guitar..kan't really komplain..itz great aktually...i kouldn't do this if i had a job..so i'm happy i don't have to work and i choose not to work...and yeah...*Sigh..yeah oh well...life goes on...time to get the needle and thread to sew up a kouple holes and stuff..but yeah...don't want to leave a mess everywhere ig o u know...and plus blood leaves stainz sometimes if not washed properly...so yeah...hmmm...yeah...so less then two weeks till my bday..i'm not really xcited ne more..seems more of a burden..no offence to ne one other than myself..but yeah..u know..u gotta invite people..then u gotta kall them and yeah and double check and therez soo many 'we'll see's" i dislike hearing that...i mean..if only people kould jus b straightforward and jus say "yeah" or "nay"..but yeah..whateverz if they show up then kool..if not then whateverz...but yeah...i jus know i'm gonna sing and perform that day...i don't kare if therez people there listening or not..or if we sound bad and they throw tomatoes at us or something..yeah...like when we played at the blue kafe sunday night..i dunno i kinda now know how it feels like in those movies when a band playz all out and krap and they look up and therez like no one tehre listening..and when ure done w/ a song..the only ones who are cheering are u and ure band mate....but itz still phun...damn i'm kinda hungry right now...itz 216am...all i ate for dinner was phreakin' ramen chicken soup...and then i went to the gymn too...and i hella xercized all this negative energy out u know..yeah...but damn...i am getting hungry..haha oh well i'll eat when i wake up tomorrow...so yeah..less than two weeks...what do i have to do still....figure out mooonbounce situation...figure out who's aktually gonna show up or not....figure out what ima feed people....damn i don't even know if therez gonna b enough food..hopefully peopel eat b4 they leave their house u know...krap...oh well...God will provide....or so Fr. Jose sayz...but yeah...so what else..i still have to klean..krap i need to klean...vakuuum...dust..klean..skrub...whateverz...etc...kut grass proally...organize the front room...learn the songs..learn the lyrics...band praktice...more band praktice...go out akouple times... dang ..and then this saturday...ima b buzy singing and playing...for a happy event and a really really sad one...yeah...Roselle sent out an email saying that Lorelei and Krystle's Lola recently passed away and that Auntie Lorie asked the choir to sing...so thatz gonna b in the morning...and then we have to phreakin'sing for Mr. Lines's(he was my 5th grade teacher and my 6th 7th and 8th grade history teacher) wedding...damn..thatz gonna b krazy on saturday..and friday...the choir wants to go to dineyland..i dunno if i kan go back haha..i'm already getting tired of that place...but id unno we'll see..and thursday we're gonna go to UCKI to visit pD...and we're gonna have band praktice there since she needs to get ready for nex saturday..and she's going to sing...well she better...itz my bday..she HAS to sing for me...HAHAHA..yeah..u better..shooot..yeah...hmm..and tomorrow..i mean today..i have to drop off Neil at skool..then i dunno mayb go to Dominic's and chilll then go back and pick up Neil then proally go home...play guitar...write songs...klean mayb?..kall some people...kallmore people..email people..etc. etc...yeah...i dunno i hope my bday this year goes good..i dunno..i don't really hvae ne high xpectations ne more...all i'm really worried about is jus playing...i dont' really mind if no one shows up nemore...mayb itz jus kuz i'm used to performing for no one..yeah..u kinda get used to it...itz a sad feeeling..ure on stage..w/ the lights..and everything...and u look out and no ones there..and no ones listening u know...*sigh oh well..itz better i learn the feeling now then later..i remember when i would read old skool artikles online of NFG..and they would say they would drive all the way to no where to jus perform for like 5 people..and they would still love it kuz they touched those kids hearts and stuffand they even did one show where only one kid...ONE KID ...phreakin' showed up..and they gave that kid their all and damn...i dunno i think i'd b able to do it...yeahh i'm purdy shure i would..i mean whenever Dominic and I play or jamm..itz always jus been for us and if there were people there..then kool..if not..then thatz kool too u know...kuz we always played kuz it made us feel better..and it helped us forget about all the sh(*)t u gotta deal w/ in life and like i dunno...like pD said itz like an alternate universe or something..when ure performing or singing ure heart out u know..itz like no one kan touch u...ure kinda invisible but not...i dunno how to xplain it...if u know u know..if not then not...but yeah...i guess my lifenow will konsist of....choir..fpac...family...musik..and band...yeah i know my friends always komplain "how kome u never say 'friends' on ure to do list or whateverz" and i dunno..if u know u knwo..if not then not...lo siento but i dunno some friends r more family then friends...and yeah i dunno...but those that R my friends know that i'm ALWAYS here...i'm usually online..if not then my phone is not even arms length away from me....yeah...kuz u never know if someones in dire need..or in a life threatening situation...and i don't have no super hero powers or nething...so i have to kompensate w/ what i have..so yeah...hmm if only people would kall jus to say 'hi'...oh well...hmmi really need to klean my room...hmm and i really need to finish writing these songs....i'd post them up here but i think it'll b better if i jus sing them....but yeah....so yeah...'jus friends'...i think there should b some pre rekorded thing that sayz the general gist of what gurlz need to say when they say the 'jus friends' speech/talk/whatever u wanna kall it..i dunno..oh well...itz ok..at least itz not like on my bday..or nething..that would hella kill it..at least itz about a week b4..so therez still rekovery time...a small amount..but it'll have to do...yeah..i guess i'll remain indifferent for a while....not so much anti...but i dunno i'll jus b in an 'i dunno' phaze for a while..but yeah..i'll try my best to not let it show too much...but then agaain i don't really wanna put on a fake smile wherever i go..kuz thatz not the way to go...i guess i'll jus have to take it day by day...step by step..etc. etc....yeah..

...hmm...someday..somewhere..not now...not here...but someday.
posted by Leon at 2:12 AM