Title: what family


i have debated long and thoroughly as to whether or not i should i type this out but i have no other way of staying sane for the days have grown increasingly harsh.
i no longer understand what the purpose of life is since all that i have understood and the foundation of, have kompletely been destroyed. i have gone through every posible outkome mentally and i still am not prepared for what is to come. Music which was formally the answer to all answers and questions and the needed medicine of solice pain confusion and etc. no longer gives me the answers i seek. i have tried my best to keep an open mind and heart for the search that i may find what i need written somewhere in a lyric a quote a book a website a everything a anyone but to my something luck has not been with me. despite the fact that i was born with the line of luck on both hands the kurrent year has been very much unlucky in the facets of home life. at times i stare at my left palm for this palm is that of inheritance and wonder why all of the lines seem equal in their appropriate proportions. Those who's lines are equal as such as konsidered well balanced in what has been given to them in birth. But this birth that is the start of something beautiful must go through many hardships. something that should be taught to children at young ages from the time they are born rather then the false image of life being so easy and so carefree. children should learn the basic facts that life is hard, no one kares about you other than yourself, and your main goal in life is to acheive absoltue happiness. but in this search of absolute happiness one runs into many adimantium walls with thicknesses one can not measure at the time of impact. sigh. i suppose one can say that i have reached another unmeasreable adimantium wall. i fear that the result of this collision will have effects not only of the immideate pain and anger but something more something longer lasting something that will linger until death of life. at times i feel humans are a waste. a waste of energy. a waste of space. a waste period. over consumption, volatile emotions, hate, betrayal, lies, and more lies. creatures capable of uttergreatness, greatness that kan not be measured but rather choose to kreate pain for their fellow creatures. and pain is what kan be felt long after the impact of the adimantium wall. when traveling and searching for answers and contacts with other humans one feels as if one should ask for help or an ear to listen but one retracts feeling it will only be dissappointed at the outcome of no answers or an answer that doesn't help. but most will say it is better to ask and that there is no such thing as a stupid question. but what if you already know the outkome and you don't want to hear it and you don't want to see it and you don't want it to become true. so what is there to do? seclude yourself from other beings even amongst them in social settings. retreating to ones mind and walking on the walls over and over and again. pain and tears are what i see and a loss of weight is what i feel. is there any that have seen this. is there any who understand this. is there any who can be of any assitance. and a midst this inward retreat one must come to reality that one cannot stay there forever. one must pick themself up and further the journey and not worry about the next unmeasureable adimantium walls that kan spring up at any momment and kause pain. but what if one reaches the last wall and one kan no longer go on. what is there to do?. one can jump off the side of the road and end the journey. that is what one would do but not the existential being. despite the pain and etc. they would not stop and go at it for all eternity but for those who are not existential what is there to do.

shouts and skreams and pointing of fingers.
shouts and skreams and pointing of fingers.

.?. .?. .?. .?. what is there to do .?. .?. .?. .?.









exert from something that i am trying to komplete:
pictures in frames that have lost their meaning
the room is getting cold, this house is no home















thanksgiving is going to suck. no one kares. there isn't going to be dinner. people will point and shout and skream and blame. no one kares. there isn't going to be dinner.
















and when Christmas arrives the tree wont have any meaning. if there is even a tree. there won't be presents because presents are given to loved ones. but no one loves anyone. Christmas is a time for family. but there is no longer a family here just a house not a home with people who live with eachother and no longer love oneother.
posted by Leon at 12:45 PM